‘Midsommar’: Overcoming Grief Through Belonging
By Marcos Codas
If you’re here, you’re reading the 8th draft (and second submission) of this article. I’ve been writing professionally for over a decade and most of the time it’s smooth sailing. Sometimes, however, you pitch a piece without knowing it’ll rock you to your core and challenge who you are as a writer. This is the latter kind. My original pitch was a commentary on a Twitter discussion about how Florence Pugh’s character in Midsommar is a “boss” rather than a “victim.” I wrote that article. It wasn’t very good. I’m grateful I was asked to do something different because it allowed me to address the issue at the core of my interest in Dani Ardor and Midsommar.
Grief
The cursor flashes. And flashes. And I can barely type the words. Dani loses her parents and her sister to her sister’s mental illness. Partly to overcome her grief, Dani goes (somewhat uninvited) on a trip to Sweden with her boyfriend and his friends. They are to witness a traditional but obscure Northern European festival. Just as I can barely type these words, Dani can barely get herself out of bed and onto a plane.
I, too, lost a parent to mental illness. Not because they passed away, but because of the damage their illness and actions imposed upon me and our relationship. Which is worse: a parent dying or you wishing they were dead so they would stop inflicting grief on their children?
I grieve for my relationship with my mother every day.
Overcoming
Dani relies on a nearly non-existent support system: a friend we only hear on the phone and a boyfriend who wants to break up with her. And yet, she tries to overcome her grief. Sure, she’ll go to Sweden. Sure, she’ll take some mushrooms. Sure, she’ll watch someone jump to their death. Wait, what?
There’s a fantastic article on NPR about grief’s effects on the brain. Apparently, grieving can induce not only sadness, anxiety, and yearning, but it can also induce confusion and increased difficulty in concentrating (McCoy, 2021).
Therefore, it’s not out of the bounds of possibility that someone who is experiencing grief like Dani, and whose decision-making process has been further impaired by drugs, would be open to taking part in the Midsommar festival. It’s a natural part of her grieving process. She’s trying to find a way to heal.
Her life is not the same anymore. It will never be the same. But how can it be better? What she knows is not enough to feel “good” or to want to stay alive. And so, she looks for something new. A new paradigm to experience, a new life to belong to.
Belonging
For me, it’s therapy. It’s my wife. It’s my dogs. It’s my house. Those are the tools I use to overcome grief, to get up in the morning and want to love my life. Appreciate it. But it doesn’t always work. Sometimes, I’m confused. I’m sad. I don’t know where to go or what to do to feel better.
But then, I belong. I realize I’m a husband. I’m a pet parent. I’m a son. And that helps me make it through until things are good again.
What did Dani have to go back to? A life without family, absentee friends, and a loveless relationship? Of course, she will want to be the new May Queen. It may seem crazy to us, but what did she have to lose? The people in the community embraced her in a way that her reality never could.
Back to the “Boss Girl”
And so, I realized why the conversation on Twitter struck a chord with me. Dani starts the movie in a reality where she has little say, very little power, and even less support and love. She makes a choice, a deliberate, clear, and concise choice to stay in the commune and be the May Queen. It may not be a perfect life. She may not belong to a perfect world. But she belongs. And it was her choice to belong.
I’m grateful for my choices. I’m grateful for my options. I’m not grateful for my grief, but I am grateful for the world that I belong to, the people who love me, and the tomorrow I will have. A tomorrow that I chose. A tomorrow with a little less grief. 🩸
References
McCoy, B. (2021, December 20). How your brain copes with grief, and why it takes time to heal. NPR. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2021/12/20/1056741090/grief-loss-holiday-brain-healing
About
Marcos is a Paraguayan-Canadian multimedia producer, writer, filmmaker, and game developer. He is the former assistant editor at Dread Central and has been an entertainment journalist for over 15 years. He is an unashamed fan of found footage films, handheld gaming, and restoring old vehicles, which he does in his spare time.
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